And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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