I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
