I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
