just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
