My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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