I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
