she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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