i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
