i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
