she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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