Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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