Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just high enough for therapy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
