You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
