I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
