Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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