I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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