I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
