He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
