it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
