Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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