Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
