the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
