So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
