So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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