After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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