I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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