So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
