hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
