I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
