Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
