Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
