Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
