i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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