i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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