The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
