Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
