Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
