the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
