the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
