so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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