was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
