I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This show inspires me to have sex in space
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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