I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
