WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
