I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
