your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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