i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
