Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
