i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
