Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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