I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we have officially lost it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
