Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
