So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
