I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
